Anticipation

AHHH. Everything is finally over. I am finally 21, and I managed to go through my chalet without too much hiccups (Other than the issue with the banner) I still feel that the banner was really pretty, and it was a waste I did not manage to use it, not to mention the high opportunity cost. :( My GPA will probably commit suicide as a result. I just hope that the building it fell off from is a low-rise one and I would be able to undo the damage done when I get back to Singapore. But I have to be really grateful that I have such supportive friends especially Theresa and Josephine. <3 My other friends also helped to take pictures as well. As times like this, I really feel very blessed to have such wonderful friends. Thanks everyone. For coming and helping. <3

That aside, I have to say that I am wayyy too excited for my Swedish trip. I have never been away from home for so long and I think it will be a great learning journey for me. Especially in terms of money and time. While preparing for the trip, I realised how expensive can going on an exchange be.

REALLY EXPENSIVE.

So far, even before stepping out of Singapore, I have already spent S$3000 for the air ticket and other important documents such as residence permit and insurance. -__-||| I have to be really thankful that so far, I have gotten a lot of support(especially financial support) from my parents. I hope to be as frugal as possible during the trip and hope not to be too heavily in debt to my parents. D:

I AM STILL VERY EXCITED.

I am going to be away from home for the longest time I have ever been away from home. AHHH. Talk about independence. Luckily for me, I will be travelling with 12 other people from NTU to Linkoping so I will not be too lonely. ^^ So excited for the exchange especially because I have some of  my clique-mates going with me too. AHHH. Pleasepleaseplease let everything go on smoothly.

I have decided to create a separate blog to document my exchange so that my relatives will be able to see and experience being in Europe with me. I am going to miss my family quite a bit. I am sure.

Feeling really terrible.

Have you ever wondered why God always give us things in life that make us feel like crap?

The experience of planning for a birthday party seriously feel like crap. Why make any plans when they are doomed to fail anyway?! For the sake of the chalet, I painstakingly did up my banner on PS. I spent quite a lot of time on it only to be shot down every single time I let my mom see it. I did not like the pre-made ones she showed me either. We argued everytime we discuss the banner.

"The arch is not high enough."

"Cursive font looks better"

"Put more balloons."

"The colours do not stand out."

Of all the times I let her look at it, there was not one compliment. Not at all. Nada. On a normal day, I would probably let it slide and work on it better. But when I am having stress from exams, it becomes really taxing for me to not break down and cry at the stress.

Well, today was the last straw. It is a mistake to plan the chalet with just one day to do everything. Because the banner printing shop could not print my banner so we had to do it ourselves.There are so mini mistakes in the middle I do not even know where to start. 1) Wanting to have a banner in the first place, 2) Giving in to something I really do not like 3) Not giving in completely 4) Trying to get everyone's approval 5) Not being able to let go completely.

I just wanted to feel like I did something for the event instead of letting my mom do everything. I wanted it to have something of myself.

All I did was to make a fool out of myself and make everyone unhappy. This is really terrible. I do not like it.

I really do not know what is going to happen tomorrow and I am scared to sleep for the fear that my eyes remain puffy tomorrow. I hope that all will just magically become better. I need a fairy godmother ASAP. \

Stress is good for health. Seriously?

Whoever coined in that phrase is a little crazy. I absolutely detest feeling stressed! It is like sleeping on the floor for 2 nights in a row. You body feels achy and a massage does not help because it is all in the mind!

Boo hoooo.

So many assignment and too little time. I hope that I would be able to finish most of them by this week so that I will have sufficient time to finish studying all my modules for the exam. This semester is especially important because I will have my GPA freezed next semester because I am going for exchange. >.< Plus, I am taking 6 modules! I am crazy. First time taking six modules and I am crying holy mama! Hahaha. That kind of came out a little off.

At this point of time, I really have to be grateful for my fellow coursemates. Since they probably do not know the existence of this blog, I think it would be safe to say that because they are so on the ball, they have influenced me to do the same. If it was me in the past, I think I might keep procrastinating till the last minute. Thanks to them, I have discovered the joy of doing much of my work before the deadline and finding the discipline to do so because everyone else is doing it and you do not want to lose out.

Unfortunately, this stress has shown its side effects again. Craving for fast food is not fun when you are trying to lose weight. My weight loss attempt has been not very successful so far. Sigh o sigh.

To illustrate how studious(relatively) I am, here's a picture of my messy table.

Notes with home made mind-map goodness(I wish)

Anyway, let me sidetrack a bit. SAJC made us do the love language test when I was there for one of the moral education lessons. I love taking these personality tests even though they are not entirely reliable and they can be utterly flawed. It is fun. So I wanted to see if I changed or something, so I did it again, this time online.

Oh look! Not much change! I think I used to be a little higher in words of affirmation, but now I have acts of service standing on equal grounds. Hahaha. Hmmmm. What is to be said from this test?

Education as an end instead of the means to an end.

So I got back my first midterm paper today. I did not do well at all, I got a B- and I feel very depressed about it. This module is my minor-to-be and I really enjoy the tutorials and lectures. So I reread my paper and got very confused as to why I got my grade. I really dislike getting bad grades. Technically speaking, B- is not that bad, but I would like for my grade to be better because I have to freeze it next semester.

After I got back my paper, I had a mini breakdown and I just felt so so upset and distressed because I really thought that I nailed it. I was so disturbed by it that I decided to walk home from the train station to recover myself. On my way home, I walked past a bus stop and saw this old lady wave me down. She wanted me to help her carry her purchases. I hesitated to help her because my parents warned me against old folks who scam people and accused the person who helped them of theft. I was seriously thinking of just pretending I did not understand. In the end, I decided to carry her (really heavy) purchases all the way to this other bus stop. The lady was a frail and you can tell she is having trouble walking quickly.

At that point of time, I just felt as if everything was better. Life is not just about exams and grades. There are much more to life than school. More importantly, I thought about why I am studying.

It is true that it is a means to an end, so that I will be able to survive in society when I leave school. But more significantly, it is supposed to be for my own personal development. For me to be able to understand why the society works as it does. Education is an end in itself. Learning and gaining the knowledge should be rewarding enough to make me happy. Why does my grades matter so much anyway?

The sad truth is, it does. In our meritocratic society, everything is based on the certificate. So in order to do well in life, I have to obtain the grades required.

So I would just have to resign myself to fate and consult my tutor regarding my grades and essay and figure out how can I do better for my final exams.

Someone is going to SWEDEN! :D

OMGOMGOMG. I made it! I got accepted into Linkoping! I am so excited. I will be going in Spring 2014, so it is going to be really really cold. BUT I AM EXCITED.

This is such a dream come true. After dreaming about it since I came to NTU, I finally see my goal coming nearer. AND IT IS LESS THAN A YEAR AWAY. OMG, actually, it is 5 more months. OMG. I am just so overwhelmed and thankful and grateful.

The people I really have to thank are my parents. Thank you for allowing me to go. I hope that they can go to Denmark next year so that we can meet up!

I will definitely have another blog up when I am there. I am just so excited.

But before that, I know that I have to freeze my GPA on a good note, so I am gonna study really hard this semester. Starting now. Haha.

Ciao!

First week of school after summer holidays

OMG. This is just the first week of school and I already have so much to do! I have to plan for my exchange programme, plan up my deadlines, read my readings for the first week, print the readings and prepare for people's birthdays. >.<

I am just sooo busy.

The worst part is the balloting for the modules. So difficult for me to get my minor module. I did not get it. I am still quite helpless and I am wondering what to do nowwww. :(

Let's hope that all goes well for this semester.

Wish me all the best. *crosses fingers*

Happy Birthday, Singapore.

Now that I think about it, I kind of miss the assembly we had in Junior college, Secondary and Primary school. The singing of the National Anthem and the saying of the pledge may have started out as an attempt by the Government to bond the students together through common practices, but I think that to the most of us,  it now has a special meaning of its own. Through these everyday practices, I feel that I have subconsciously attached some meanings to the process of singing the National Anthem.

In the past, I have dreaded assembly because it meant that I had to wake up extra early to queue up at the parade ground to stand there and sing the anthem, say the pledge and listen to the various people preach. 

Now, I think I miss it. Definitely not enough to wake up earlier for school, but I miss the entire routine. While it is Singapore's birthday today, I do not really feel as patriotic or hyped up for it as I did before. 

The mood is totally different now. In Primary school, everyone anticipated National day because we would get to see the teachers perform on stage, sing and dance along to all the songs and we get an extra holiday. We also had class parties where we brought different food to school to share with all the classmates. In Secondary school, I got to participate in the parade because I was in Girl Guides. Standing in the midst of the parade actually made me feel somewhat important. Unfortunately, I never had the opportunity to be in the National Day Parade contingent because I was not 1.65m tall. T.T It was sooo sad. I loved singing the National day theme songs and the ritual running around the school hall in our uniforms. Those were the days that we will never forget, I think. In Junior college, it was not very fun. Junior College was not really fun for me anyway. But I remember the activities that we were made to participate in like the rojak making competition and the lyrics game. 

It is so different in University because the National day (9 August) falls in the Summer Holidays. It means no celebration of any sort! :( I have decided that I will have a mini celebration by wearing red and white on Monday the first day of school. Hahaha. I am just not used to doing nothing for National day. 

As I watched the parade on the television (I never seem to be able to win any tickets...) I had some thoughts. I was never a men in uniform kind of person, but I have to admit that the people in uniform today really looked smart. Kudos to them for the endless rehearsals in the sun and suffering in the singapore heat covered from head to toe from berets to gloves to covered shoes. Well done. If I ever have the chance to take part in the parade, I would. Because it is a form of pride and it is the kind of story which you will tell your grandchildren in years to come. The kind of heartwarming story that I love listening. 

Talking about grandchildren, I asked my grandpa that day about how he proposed to my grandma. It was so adorable because he just laughed and told me to ask my grandma. I did, and she laughed too. It is so difficult to get a reaction from her nowadays. It is so sad to see her looking so blank and helpless most of the time that I think most of my family members tries to make her laugh as much as possible. I really hope that she will start talking again one day. :') 

Anyway, I think it is enough blabbering for one day. 

Happy Birthday Singapore. I hope you will enjoy many more prosperous years to come. <3 

What's baking in the oven?

I have been a little lagging in my crafting lately. No craft inspiration:( On the other hand, I have been baking. A lot. I use my oven 3 times a week! Hahaha. Must be due to the long baking hiatus of 2-3 years. 

Best bread I have baked so far. It is really pretty and it tastes so good! :)

Made my very own vegetable soup, which was good, but the pea smell never went away. 80/100 because of that. I will make this again, but not too soon.

The bread after my best bread. Much uglier, but still fluffy. Salty for some reason. I was so upset after this because my attempt to bake 2 batches of bread failed big time. :(

Made my own vegetarian lunch on a stay home day. glass noodles with mock abalone and celery, rose scented tea from indonesia and green bean soup, which was funky. :/

Made more buttercream.

This was a good meal. roasted pork, roasted duck and chicken with romaine lettuce and an apple and pickles and an egg. Eaten through the day because it was wayy too much for one meal. Hahaha.

Nutella bars?! The nutella became dry and the bars were hard like rocks. :( Kinda disappointed since it was my first time trying out a bar recipe. 

First try at pizza baking. FAILED. Because the cheese was not nice! I am so sad about it. Because I was had high hopes. :(

Really fluffy white bread! It was nice! Some are wrapped with sausages and what not.

When I first started working as the receptionist, I ate Korean food because I was alone.
They served me 6 side dishes and I had jajameun(spelling?!) for $11. I think it was worth it^^

Found a place in marina square which had semi buffet. Not bad!

 Some fish for me.

Ugly little sausage bread which was not bad!

Potato with spring onions and ham and cheese. OMG. This was good.

Had dinner at this place for Patricia's birthday. The service was not good, but I lovelovelove the kiwi juice. Good juice they have there.

Went to the Japanese place again with my mom. I think she liked it. :)

Went to brew werks?! I forgot the name, but the food was okay. Typical western food place where I ordered my normal sandwich. Because you can hardly go wrong with bread, cheese and ham. Unlike my parents who ordered chicken and shepherd's pie respectively and had difficulty finishing their food. Hahaha.

Honey oatmeal bread which did not rise properly. I kind of did it in a rush. Maybe that's why it tasted so bad and dense. :(

Went with lynette to the standing sushi bar! 25 slices of salmon for $15! Such a good deal. I had it with $2 sake and we had ice cream after that. I like eating with lynette. Hahaha. We have really similar tastes for food. We order the same thing half the time. Hahahaha. Actually, anything with salmon works for us.

Whole meal tortilla that tasted just like tortilla. Hahaha. 

For all the good food that I have been enjoying, I now need to lose the weight I gained. T.T 

I have one week of holidays left. Let's endeavour to lose 2kg this week. :( 

belly too happy.

My belly has really been too happy lately! I ate a lot of food at home and baked quite a few times! I have started to love baking at home again.

First, in the beginning of June, I made tortillas. So simple, I will definitely make them again when I need them in the future. I forgot which recipe I used!

When I went to Chinatown with Fion and Josephine, we had Lerk Thai. I ate my Phad Thai as usual, but I did not really like it. I do not think I will patronize them again. I do not like their version of Thai food:/

I made whipped buttercream and peanut butter cream cheese. The former is better than the latter in my honest opinion. The whip cream makes a lot of difference in the texture of the buttercream. It is so much creamier, even I liked it. Note: I do not like creams in general!

This bread with the two spreads is really super delicious! Nomnom!

Making tortillas resulted in me eating a lot of it. It tasted good with some chicken, pickles and minced meat potato. Nomnom! I drank Indonesia rose/black tea. I love it! It is not very strong, but the slight rose scent is so good. I do not fancy rose tea by itself, but this is good!

Sour green apple with buttercream is good!

Pasta with indulgent milo dinosaur! I like mine with plain milk and tons of milo powder on top!

Then, I baked bread. This was my first try. It taste edible, but not tasty as all! Best eaten toasted with buttercream. I made it with this recipe.

On the trip to K.L, we bought a dozen of Krispy Kreme back. This is the bomb! Caramel cookie flavour, as shown above, is the best flavour for caramel lovers like me! It is like Oats(the cereal) on top. Really really the best!

Chocolate cream/dream. This is not my favourite. I do not like it! It is like....custard inside. >.< Not for me.

Chocolate glazed donuts is good.

Korean food for dinner one night. Egg drop soup, instant ramen and a variety of kimchi and other pickles. I do not touch those. Only the marinated squid(which is raw) is to my liking.

  Second attempt at bread baking with this recipe!

Pretty doughs!

Grow, my babies, grow!

Looks much better, doesn't it? Compared to the first attempt?

 LOOK AT THE PRETTY INSIDES! It is so extraordinarily soft and so good! The day I baked it, we almost finished a loaf. The sad part is, like all baguettes, it was not as soft the next day. It tasted like regular day-after french breads. :(

Still tasted very nice with fried sunny side down and ham with pickles. I devoured the rest of the bread and too many eggs the next few days after.

Or with pickles and fish and toasted bread!

Food from the canopy at Bishan Park! It is really nice even though I do not fancy the fish roe on top. >.< Smoked salmon with scrambled eggs and salmon roe if I remembered the name right....

 Third and most recent attempt at baking bread! WHOLEMEAL BREAD! Baked with the Tangzhong method and this recipe, I have to say this was exhausting! Not because I used a lot of energy, but because it was so heartbreaking when I could not knead the dough enough to pass the windowpane test. After 45 minutes to one hour of kneading with my Kenwood machine, I gave up and decided to try my luck.

When homemade bread tastes like store-bought bread, I feel awesome. This is freaking wholemeal bread which tastes super good! OMG. I am feeling super awesome! <3

Okay, off to Chinatown I go for the second time in three days to get my friend's 21st birthday present! ^^

doodles!

It has been a while since a drawing post. I have not been drawing much. Between baking and crafting, I only draw when I have *boom* inspiration. When I try to draw without inspiration, it is like trying to clear your bowels when you have constipation. It is a painful process. I do not keep copies of my drawings everywhere and with my experience with hard disks, you know they are not to  be trusted.

This is like...a random doodle when I was watching my China drama.

I love this quote, and I wanted to try out pretty fonts, so I did this.

Attempt at drawing a guy. Gave up halfway. Forget it.

I love this one! I lost the page for the background unfortunately. I would love to credit the person :( I like the 1900s fashion. Slim waists and poufy butts. HAHAHA.

Kim possible wannabe? I do not really like this but whatever, just post la.

I drew the diamond first. I wanted to practice drawing diamonds and ended up with this. 

Tried to so a pin-up style. I like the eyes. And the shading. I am not very good at it, but I try! I like the shading at the boobs the most! Really. Because 2D cleavage is not cool.


As you can tell, I still do not have any particular drawing style. I just whack and try out different styles. Hopefully, my drawing skills can improve this way. I know it will be a while before my next drawing post. It took me about 5 months(?) to collect these!

Till then!