Feeling really terrible.

Have you ever wondered why God always give us things in life that make us feel like crap?

The experience of planning for a birthday party seriously feel like crap. Why make any plans when they are doomed to fail anyway?! For the sake of the chalet, I painstakingly did up my banner on PS. I spent quite a lot of time on it only to be shot down every single time I let my mom see it. I did not like the pre-made ones she showed me either. We argued everytime we discuss the banner.

"The arch is not high enough."

"Cursive font looks better"

"Put more balloons."

"The colours do not stand out."

Of all the times I let her look at it, there was not one compliment. Not at all. Nada. On a normal day, I would probably let it slide and work on it better. But when I am having stress from exams, it becomes really taxing for me to not break down and cry at the stress.

Well, today was the last straw. It is a mistake to plan the chalet with just one day to do everything. Because the banner printing shop could not print my banner so we had to do it ourselves.There are so mini mistakes in the middle I do not even know where to start. 1) Wanting to have a banner in the first place, 2) Giving in to something I really do not like 3) Not giving in completely 4) Trying to get everyone's approval 5) Not being able to let go completely.

I just wanted to feel like I did something for the event instead of letting my mom do everything. I wanted it to have something of myself.

All I did was to make a fool out of myself and make everyone unhappy. This is really terrible. I do not like it.

I really do not know what is going to happen tomorrow and I am scared to sleep for the fear that my eyes remain puffy tomorrow. I hope that all will just magically become better. I need a fairy godmother ASAP. \