Education as an end instead of the means to an end.

So I got back my first midterm paper today. I did not do well at all, I got a B- and I feel very depressed about it. This module is my minor-to-be and I really enjoy the tutorials and lectures. So I reread my paper and got very confused as to why I got my grade. I really dislike getting bad grades. Technically speaking, B- is not that bad, but I would like for my grade to be better because I have to freeze it next semester.

After I got back my paper, I had a mini breakdown and I just felt so so upset and distressed because I really thought that I nailed it. I was so disturbed by it that I decided to walk home from the train station to recover myself. On my way home, I walked past a bus stop and saw this old lady wave me down. She wanted me to help her carry her purchases. I hesitated to help her because my parents warned me against old folks who scam people and accused the person who helped them of theft. I was seriously thinking of just pretending I did not understand. In the end, I decided to carry her (really heavy) purchases all the way to this other bus stop. The lady was a frail and you can tell she is having trouble walking quickly.

At that point of time, I just felt as if everything was better. Life is not just about exams and grades. There are much more to life than school. More importantly, I thought about why I am studying.

It is true that it is a means to an end, so that I will be able to survive in society when I leave school. But more significantly, it is supposed to be for my own personal development. For me to be able to understand why the society works as it does. Education is an end in itself. Learning and gaining the knowledge should be rewarding enough to make me happy. Why does my grades matter so much anyway?

The sad truth is, it does. In our meritocratic society, everything is based on the certificate. So in order to do well in life, I have to obtain the grades required.

So I would just have to resign myself to fate and consult my tutor regarding my grades and essay and figure out how can I do better for my final exams.