August 13, 2012

First day of school, a new start.

Well, I had my first day of school today. Granted, all I did was to have a two hour lecture but I think I get the idea of how school is going to be like.

I will not be as easy as I thought it would be and it might even be very tough. But I want to have the strength to excel as I have never done before(obviously I have never been a very bright student). I want to have the motivation to keep going. I have no excuses any more. This is it. The course that I wanted to go. I am here. The future really depends on me. I really really do not want to screw this up. I am going to write this post here to remind myself of the goal I want to achieve. This is really it. My last chance at excelling in education. I am not some smartass genius who absorbs like a sponge. I have to put in a lot of effort. I am not a bean sprout which will germinate easily. I am most probably a durian seed. I take a lot of time and effort before I bear fruit. It sounds quite sad. But I am sure the end will be worth the effort!

I actually have a lot of fears with regards to going to school. Finding new friends is on the top of the list. Most know I have this stupid lonophobia thingie. I have a phobia of eating alone, being alone in a crowd. It scares me to no end. As I organize my timetable, I wonder who will I have my lunch with. I was really lucky to have such amazing friends in SAJC. Especially when I retained, I was left behind when my entire cohort moved on. People I know and felt comfortable with carried on with life as I struggled. Luckily I found such good classmates that held me together at that point of time. It must have been karma. Because of that, I always make a point to approach loner people and make the first move to say hi so they would not be so lonely. Been there, done that, hate the feeling. I really hope to find a group of friends who will accept me for my weird ways and we can have lunches together^^

I was so overwhelmed by the vast amount of people in school. Being in school feels like I am in a marketplace where the whole of Singapore is there. NTU is so big. I was unprepared for the 33,500 people in there. Okay. 33,499 because I am one. Haha. Just kidding. These numbers are probably estimates. It is just the first week of school. I wonder how is it going to continue.

I really want to enjoy school life. Jc was not a really happy place for me because it is such a stark reminder of how I failed. I hope very much to enjoy myself in my last leap of my education. Please.

That's all the rambling I have today. I hope that I will read this one year later and smile because I am doing well and found kindred spirits. ^^

Wish me all the best and cross fingers for me. Ciao!


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