doodles!

It has been a while since a drawing post. I have not been drawing much. Between baking and crafting, I only draw when I have *boom* inspiration. When I try to draw without inspiration, it is like trying to clear your bowels when you have constipation. It is a painful process. I do not keep copies of my drawings everywhere and with my experience with hard disks, you know they are not to  be trusted.

This is like...a random doodle when I was watching my China drama.

I love this quote, and I wanted to try out pretty fonts, so I did this.

Attempt at drawing a guy. Gave up halfway. Forget it.

I love this one! I lost the page for the background unfortunately. I would love to credit the person :( I like the 1900s fashion. Slim waists and poufy butts. HAHAHA.

Kim possible wannabe? I do not really like this but whatever, just post la.

I drew the diamond first. I wanted to practice drawing diamonds and ended up with this. 

Tried to so a pin-up style. I like the eyes. And the shading. I am not very good at it, but I try! I like the shading at the boobs the most! Really. Because 2D cleavage is not cool.


As you can tell, I still do not have any particular drawing style. I just whack and try out different styles. Hopefully, my drawing skills can improve this way. I know it will be a while before my next drawing post. It took me about 5 months(?) to collect these!

Till then!

Being lonely alone.

From google,

lone·ly/ˈlōnlē/

Adjective:

Sad because one has no friends or company. Without companions; solitary: "passing long lonely hours looking onto the street".

I have not been blogging or crafting much. Life have been very hectic lately with me attempting to find my way around school, trying to make new friends and coping with printing so many readings and notes and struggling to read and understand them before the tutorials. 

I enjoyed my lessons, but I also realised that I am really spending a lot of time travelling to and back from school. My days becomes significantly shorter. I have so little time for myself. My attempts at reading on my way to school had been very unsuccessful so far. The train is so noisy and I get distracted so easily that I cannot even think while reading. Reading an intellectual piece on the train is very different from reading a novel. Novels are usually written in simple English and it does not require much thinking to understand what the authors are trying to get to in the book. The fact that it is highly entertaining helps too. Reading a reading for school is actually very painful for me even though I am really interested in whatever the author is saying. I have to be next to the computer to be able to Google whatever words I do not comprehend. There were so many words I did not know! I feel so stupid. I do read non-fiction from time to time. But this, it really takes some getting used to. I am really desperate to do well this time, so I believe I can actually pull through this. I have to. 

The real problem I have now is a problem that I have never encountered in my school life. Maybe I am lucky that way. I have been so sheltered in my little bubble that I just do not know how to cope with reality. I had a best friend in primary school. We went everywhere and did everything together till we finally separated into different classes in the last year. Being immature kids we were, our friendship slowly dissolved into nothingness. It was all right, because I met one of the people I cherish till today. Transition from primary school to secondary school was pretty easy because my school was affiliated and almost everyone went to the same school. Same old faces, some new faces, really easy to adapt to. It was also one of the happiest times in my 20 years of existence in the world. I was literally saying "HI" to everyone in my cohort, it is almost funny now that I think of it. Maybe secondary school was not as happy as I thought it was. I was a naive and immature person. I probably thought everyone was a nice person. But their reactions when we meet again in university tells me otherwise. Some pretended not to see me, some said hi and we caught up, promising to see each other for lunch and more catching up. I am not going to think too much into it because I really want my secondary school life to be "the happy time of my life". Junior college was okay, I guess. As I said, it is a painful reminder of my failure at the same time it give me a lot of opportunities to learn things outside the restrictive education system we have here. Friendship was quite easily made because of the small class size and timetable. Whether the friendship is real, only time will tell. I mean, I can miss my classmates all I want, but do they reciprocate the feelings I feel? No one truly know except themselves. Effort has to be made to keep the friendship going. Time taken out to meet your friends, the things you say when you meet, do you really say what you mean? Or do you just talk about superficial stuff? I find myself guilty of doing a lot of the latter. "How are you?", "I am doing fine. You?", "How's school?" It become difficult to talk about your problems because you know they have their own, or they may not be interested, or they would not understand, or some other excuses we give ourselves. 

My opinion? I think most people do not really share their problems because it is a sign of weakness. That we are not what we may portray ourselves to be.Everyone knows that everyone has problems. But it is a different matter altogether if we are to show our weaknesses. We only show it to the closest of friends, a confidante or your girl/boyfriend. I regret to say that I do not really have anyone. Not that I never tried, it is just that they would tell me not to worry, I am a nice person, not one will leave me behind yada yada. How I wish it was so. No one really listens. I really really envy those people who have a best friend at this point of time. I wish there was someone, just someone. 

I feel like I am trapped in this void of loneliness. When I feel lonely, I will tend to withdraw from people. Everyone else seem to be having a good time. I would really hate to dampen their moods with my problems. Even as I withdraw, their lives do continue and it may cause us to drift apart and that would mean that I am even lonelier. It is really a vicious cycle. It is really okay when I was working. I had my handicrafts to accompany me and I was not really up and about so I was oblivious to the people around me. The painful truth was really obvious in school now when I see people in group and I walk alone. Even when I had friends, I feel like I am clinging on to them too much or that they are just people I walk with because. Not really friends, not people I can connect with. School becomes quite painful to be in. Being afraid to walk into a lecture theatre late because I am afraid that I would sit alone because there is no one to save a seat for me, always wondering if there are people to eat lunch with because everyone seems to have their own friends to eat with and taking a 1.5 hour trip back home to eat lunch when I have a straight lesson from 1130 to 1430 and when I go home it is already 1615 and I eat lunch on front of my laptop. My self esteem and confidence is really really at an all-time low. It is so scary. I am so terrified of what my life in school will be like. 

I think I am already putting in a lot of effort. I never knew retaining in school would have this leftover effect of not knowing anyone at all because they are not from your batch. I know this is supposed to come naturally to me because I am supposed to be an extrovert, but it is just not happening! Is it me? Am I that unlike-able? I really hope not. I always wonder what do people think of me. Maybe it just takes time. 

I just hope that I find my kindred spirits soon. 

This is just a little something I doodled. The head seems to be a little small though. I made a reference actually. But I lost the page:/ Background from here.

I hope that my next post will be a happier one.

Rebecca :/

I like to draw.

An update on the things I have been drawing! Oh well. I do not draw as often as I should because I need the practice but I have recently started to colour my pieces so I think they are somewhat prettier. Haha. I do not really dare to post them on the deviantart yet because they are not good enough. But I am working towards it! I think my drawing style have changed significantly. I try to make things more simple and less complicated so it does not have that many mistakes. You can see for yourself!

Sleeping ballerina on the train. 

I like this one. Banana punching bag. Haha.

Random random girl on the street. 

Shoddy work? I told myself not to spend so much time on each piece. I think they are okay! :p When I actually spent a lot of time editing it, I have to stop halfway and end up not continuing the piece. For example,

I got stuck:(

 This was a sad piece because I think I spent 3-4 hours on it before realising I cannot carry on. the bag is ugly anyway! :(

This had potential.

 I really liked this piece because it was my somewhat first successful male piece but I just ran out of gas to finish it in fear of ruining it. Sad right!

Fail la. 

I admit. This one was a failure. I redraw the yes so many times, if this was on paper, the paper would have died. Haha.

Okay. So that's it for my art post today! I will strive to draw more and be better! XD Ciao!

Rebecca:)

I can see the light...

Well, as the title states, I can finally see the end of the tunnel. It has been a grueling three weeks so far and now I am only left with one week! How time flies. I have been thinking and thinking and thinking about what I want to do after my exams and the time of my life is finally near! I am eagerly counting down!

I will be going to a job agency tomorrow to choose a job I am gonna take up during this massive holiday. I hope that I would not need to pay much/any agency fees. I just wanna earn some money to buy my sewing machine and what nots. I am also planning for the design of my upcoming blogshop where
I will sell the stuff that I made, so if you are reading this, spread the word :D. I have been thinking of the shop name. I do not know. Oh well, I am starting this shop mainly to give an excuse for me to do more crafts. Haha. This is because as much as I love doing them, I have to consider for my pocket. Yarn is not cheap, you know. I just hope to cover my costs and have enough for the next project. I have been considering whether to try out resin making. It seem so cool, like...no one in school ever heard of it. As you may or may not know, I sort of like being special in my own way. Oh well, most people do not appreciate that anyway. I mean, if you do not understand what am I talking about half the time, you are not in the same frequency as me. I jump topics faster than a rabbit can hop. Look, I did it again! I cannot help it. Hmmm. What else can I write about today?

Nope, I am not going to write about any of my exam papers because....I absolutely refuse to relive that moment of my life again, NO WAY! Haha. Maybe that was a little extreme, but it is the truth. I hope to just get it over and done with. I have done my best, and I will just let god do the rest. I have been doodling some where, everywhere. Just to show you some, (do not judge, not good for health!)

You know, I tried to draw this Disney style, and I thought it was good, but I got no compliments. So maybe it is not that good:(

This was just some random girl sitting in front when I was studying. I was bored, so I drew her and modified the school uniform at the same time=_=

Oh man, I thought this was good too! I mean, who can beat Little mermaid? Haha, this one had a few comments, so I am proud of it!

My attempt at drawing my hand during one of the Chemistry lectures. It was like...FINALLY, my hand looks decent. Model: my hand. Haha.

This last picture was just to show you how studious I was. My binding for the lecture notes came off okay! this has never happened to me before! Shows how studious I was huh?

You might ask me, why post those amateur pictures? They are not even that good. Well, it was not for you. It is for me to look back 10 months from now and marvel at how much I improved. HAHA!

Okay, that's all folks. I am gonna doodle on my tablet for the first time in a long time.

Rebecca:)

P.S. I am seriously thinking about whether to reactivate my facebook now. I have gone without it for so long....

Wayy cool stuff. 0.0

Well...if you have a wacom tablet, this is definitely something which you must try. The coolness of this is beyond any explanation! I do not know if it works for normal graphic tablets, but you should try.

You see, I got a intruos 4 so maybe that is why I did not know this till now. Wacom has this really cool application for the Bamboo series called the Bamboo Dock. I was wondering if I could use it but heh heh. I could in the end. Here is a screen shot of it:

The small squares are the apps I downloaded. Some are games and some are just for fun. A must try is the OPS. It is like a surgery thingie. You must do an operation on this person. See if the person survives. HAHA. My third patient died because I wanted him to. Some apps are preloaded. Anyway, the really cool app is the mood tuner. It is cool beyond cool. Look!

It is this app that you can move around to listen to songs based on your mood which is determined by the colours you drag around. After fiddling with it for a while, I figured something out. Green is for classical music and Blue is pop(usually). I am not too sure about the rest though. I was playing around with it and I ended up once with the news...in German ^^ There were Russian, French, German online radio stations. 
-___-||| 


So, I figured. this is a European application so they have European stations. Haha! My only complain is that the songs are not very clear. But then again, I am receiving European stations from Singapore. It is like half the world away. I managed to listen to songs that I like, so I have decided that I like this. It is wayyy amazing.  It would be really great if the reception is better though. Sigh.  


Another application is Livebrush mini. Seriously, I lovelovelove this. It is vector drawing. This is the first time I am trying this and I am already in love with it. However, I encountered a problem. I cannot seem to export the pictures I make into .PNG format so that I can colour it in photoshop. In fact, I cannot change the file format at all. So, in order to show you what I did, I used screenshot. Here:

I will leave you with this:) Go try it out if you have not! Ciao!


Rebecca:/ <--back to studying. 

Pictures from Deviantart :)

Anyway......Well. I think that deviantART very good source of inspiration in my daily life. When I look though some of the pictures in there, it reminds me of the little things in life that happened to me. I like to look at the pictures and smile to myself because some of them are just so pretty and meaningful. Well, some are just plain humorous! Here are some of the pictures which I like:

source:http://browse.deviantart.com/digitalart/?q=Amber&order=9&offset=72#/d1h4vah

I really love this. The first time I saw it, it reminded me of my friend Freya:) Because the name of this artwork was Amber. the second thing that struck me were the eyes. Yupyup, *whispers* I have an eye fetish. The eyes are so pretty. I wish mine were like that. But then again, if it was, I would look creepy because I am asian. Hehe. I like the way she seem to be looking at me too. The artist who drew this is really good. you should check her out!

source:http://monkeymoon.deviantart.com/favourites/#/d22kwrv

 Yup, she is the villain in Sleeping Beauty from Disney. I think she is quite a cool person. She has eyebrows the shape of her forehead!

source: http://monkeymoon.deviantart.com/favourites/?offset=24#/dg5gyg

 A fanart for Sailormoon. I wanna draw like this. I lovelovelove the moon on this art piece. Okay. I just love the moon real or drawn.

source:http://www.deviantart.com/#/d3didp9

This is a fan art for the movie, 'Sprited Away' If you have not watched it, you should. I think it is quite out of the world and touching. Oh well. All the Ghibli films are very good. I went on a Ghibli marathon once, and I enjoyed it a lot. Chihiro(the girl) and Hazu(the boy) were separated in the end.

Yupyup. That's all. Ciao

Rebecca:)